My Company Dumped Me. How It Feels To Be Shown The Door.

My Company Dumped Me. How It Feels To Be Shown The Door.
As narrated by Joy.
A little over a year ago, I was laid off from the worst job I had ever held in my entire life. My boss took me aside, let me know that the company had decided to let go of 18 people, and that I was one of them. Also, as an aside, he let me know that he had never liked me, been consistently disappointed in my work, and had felt that the job was never a good fit.

He was right, the job and I were a terrible fit. From day one, it was clear that the company should never have hired me.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that this was the worst job I could possibly imagine. My supervisors were cranky and irrational. Products were unreliable and had hundreds of versions. Hard work and good results were not rewarded, but brown-nosing certainly was. Obvious favoritism was rampant, with some employees barely working at all.

I was certainly not at my best at this job. Truth be told, I stopped trying after a while. Still, being laid off really felt like a punch to the solar plexus.

You can’t fire me because I quit!
I had never been let go of before. I always leave a job first. Hell, I’ll sometimes stop a potential employer in the middle of a job interview and admit that the interview isn’t going well, and I’d rather not waste anyone’s time.

My first job out of college was as an administrative assistant — I left, to the obvious relief of my employers, after six months, secure in the knowledge that I will never, ever be good at setting appointments or booking travel for anyone other than myself.

Similarly, I’m always the one who ends a romantic relationship. I don’t like to dawdle or draw out failing romantic entanglements. When I see a relationship faltering, I usually call it like it is, severe the ties, and move on. This isn’t to say that I’m not friendly with exes — I usually am. It’s just that I usually initiate the process of breaking up when I realize that things are not what they should be, and my brutal honesty is generally appreciated, if not immediately, then sometime down the road.

What I am saying is, my company dumped me. They broke up with me before I had a chance to break up with them, and it sucked. It was completely humiliating. And I behaved…well, pretty much the way I did the last time I was dumped, which was in high school.

In some ways, I was really very lucky. I was laid off, rather than fired. I was also given a measly severance package (two weeks’ pay), but at least that was something. And even though I was firmly ensconced in a new job within a month, being let go of sucked, big time.

In a split, one side gets the friends
There were people at the company that I considered to be good friends — people I spent time with outside of the office, people who were friends with me on Facebook, people that I had traveled to visit, people I chatted with regularly. I didn’t hear a peep from anyone once I was laid off. It was like I was dead.

When not a single coworker emailed or called to check on me after I was laid off, I unfriended all of them on Facebook. I fantasized about flattening the old boss’s tires or egging the office windows. Unfortunately (or fortunately), my old office was on the fourth floor, and I can’t throw anything that high. I stalked the company obsessively trying to find out who was hired to replace me, wondering what she had that I didn’t..

All of this while I was starting a new job, with new coworkers, at a company that I actually adore.

The thing is, a job is very much like a romantic relationship in some ways. There are complex emotional ties to everything that you do, and you have to work hard to maintain open, honest communication with your coworkers, supervisors, and charges.

If you work 8 hours a day like I do in an office, you spend more time with your coworkers than you do with your significant other. And just like romantic relationships, your relationship with your job can be abusive and horrible, hard to extract yourself from, and mentally and emotionally draining.

Personal identity
In addition, it’s easy to define ourselves by our work. When asked to tell someone about myself, often the first thing out of my mouth is “I’m a PR person.” Well, OK, sometimes it’s “I’m deathly afraid of snakes and lizards.” But more often than not, it’s the former. I spend a third of my weekdays doing my work, so of course it’s a huge part of me.

Some people don’t see their careers as an integral part of their person, but I do, and that puts me in a vulnerable position vis a vis personal identity when the economy turns sour.

Romantic relationships aren’t that different. When you are with someone for a long time, you come to see yourself as a part of a unit, as a couple, and your own identity can be swallowed up. Friends might make up cute, things to refer to you and your significant other as a couple. When that relationship ends, you find yourself suddenly alone, and sometimes it feels like half of your own self has been removed.

The grieving process
When a romantic relationship comes to an unexpected and sudden end, we usually allow ourselves a certain amount of grieving. Going out with friends, getting a makeover, listening to sad or angry music, burning pictures of the ex’s face…these are all things that we might allow ourselves if we need a bit of emotional or spiritual cleansing. But we don’t allow ourselves the same kind of grieving process when we are laid off or fired, even though the pain of separation might be just as acute.

The shock can be nearly overwhelming, and the time it can take to feel normal again might be longer than you might expect. It took me almost a year to feel confident and whole after being laid off, and I still can’t bring myself to fill my workspace with personal objects, just in case I am once again given a cardboard box and an hour to clear out.

However, just like being dumped by a complete loser, being dismissed from a terrible job was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I found a job with amazing supervisors and an expanded role at a company that feels and acts a lot like a well-functioning family.

I learned from my last job about the kinds of situations that were unacceptable for my role, and was lucky to find a company that understands how important customer interaction is. I learned to better manage my time and how to put my foot down when asked to do the impossible. Also, sadly, I learned not to form close friendships with coworkers, which is pretty much recommended practice anyway Here are my tips for dealing with a layoff.

Things to deal with upfront:
•Go ahead and admit that your feelings are hurt. You don’t have to tell the world, but admit to yourself that it stings.
•Don’t try to figure out what you could have done differently, unless you are doing so as a part of an interview question for your next job. If you take your mistakes from the last job and learn from them, great.
•Acknowledge that the situation is totally unfair. After all, they didn’t fire that doofus in Accounting, and he sleeps at his desk for hours after lunch. Layoffs are not always about the most valuable employees being kept and the complete idiots being dropped.
•You can allow yourself to wallow in ice cream and late night TV for 48 hours, max.

Things not to waste your time on:
•Don’t waste your time assigning blame, because it doesn’t matter that it was Jane’s fault for not getting those reports to you on time.
•There are a hundred reasons why former coworkers aren’t calling to commiserate. Don’t bother trying to find out what they are. Cut your losses and move on.
•Don’t spend hours rehashing the situation with friends and family. You can only talk about it with them so much before they tune you out.
•Keep written rants to yourself. There are lots of websites out there now that allow you to anonymously complain about how badly you were treated by a former employer. While it can be tempting to jump on the “This company was so BAD” bandwagon, it’s really easy to accidentally identify yourself through that forum. If you want to compose angry poetry about your stupid former boss and how bad he looked with that mustache, do it by hand, in pen, and feel free to burn it when you’re ready to get over the pain.
•In the same vein, don’t post “I HATE COMPANY XYZ,. THEY SUXXORS” all over Facebook— you think new employers won’t be trying to check out your online profiles? They will. Public dignity with the split is the key here. When you let people know that you are looking for work, it’s OK to admit that you are bummed, but keep the crying to yourself and try to come across as upbeat as possible.
•Stay away from daytime television.

How did you cope emotionally with being laid off? Did you feel like your heart had been stomped on? Tell us in the comment section below.